I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
