The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
