she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
COCAINE IS GR8
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
