Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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