Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Two words: nipple clamps
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