Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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