Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
