Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
