I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
