yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
