Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
