then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
