Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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