If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
