Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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