His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
