a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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