You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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