she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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