Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
