i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
