after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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