As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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