I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
