Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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