My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
