A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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