i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
