i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
