so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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