Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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