I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
