Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
