I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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