I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I want a musical about memes.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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