hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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