don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
