Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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