When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm always down for nudity.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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