And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
