is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
