I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
