My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
