Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
