i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
