It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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