Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.Â
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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