Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We need to get me chipped asap
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
