I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I got inside last night via doggy door
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
