Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
