LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
that is very illegal...i love you.
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