I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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