can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
