Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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